Biking for sex

I had a date yesterday. I wasn’t aware he didn’t have a car until we were settling final details of meeting on a date. I was picking a place and he said it would take 2 hours for him to bike to; but he didn’t mind. I’m not evil. So we met up closer to his side of town and we arranged to walk around the main street area and check out some of the local stores and then grab something to eat.

I noticed right away that he walked funny and wasn’t quite as attractive as I had thought in his pictures. It just wasn’t what I thought from his pictures. however his personality in his emails was worth looking past that, so we hugged hello and he had a really cozy hug. We started to walk and he kept walking in front of me because he was rather tall and I have very short legs so no matter how fast I walk I can only go as quickly as my legs will take me. And he talked a lot. I couldn’t get a word in for about 30 minutes. I nodded and listened like a pro which means I kept smiling and nodding and tuning out like a champ. Even with Adderall; there is only so much non stop talking I can take.

I started to pick up where the conversation was leading pretty quickly and boom; sex. Oh for pete’s sake it didn’t even take him an hour to find a way to squeeze it in there and then it just flowed out. Apparently he likes to be dominated and has this desire to find someone who will treat him like a slave. I’m not that person. It doesn’t bother me; but it’s not something that is a turn on for me. So then I started to hear about this hot sex he had one time where the woman dominated him, and then I got to hear about how he’s been online for a couple weeks being a serial dater because he is really wanting a relationship. He wants to find “the one”. Well what the fuck is he on a date with me for? And then he proceeded to tell me he had a date after our date. I’ve done that before. No big deal. And then he kept going and going and going about how this girl didn’t ever call him back, or this girl lasted four days, and this girl wanted him to go out of state with her. Lots of girls. Lots of “not working out”. Okeydokey then.

And finally the question came. “What do you do for a living?”. Oh this time I couldn’t wait for the question. It was like I had ants in my pants and I wanted to do the I’m a sex educator dance!!! And I was dead on. The SECOND I let it rip what I do he jumped on it like white on rice. “Well I’ve been known to give more than one orgasm to a woman during sex. I can last so long that sometimes women give up before me.” And so on and so forth. Apparently he has a hard time staying hard when he puts a condom on too. So let’s add this up. Serial dater + serial talker about his sex + trouble with condoms = I bet there’s a bit of unsafe sex going on. I’m out.

This was before dinner. Ok I won’t lie; I’m having a really hard time these days telling people I’m not interested in person. So I just carried along and went to dinner and though ohhhh at least dinner will be tasty. Well it wasn’t because I had to share it with him and then he didn’t really know what to do when the bill came except ask me “how should we do this”. Pfffffft. But before that he wanted a progress report on how he was doing so he had an idea of his chances. This is how he worded it “You’re really attractive and so I’d just like to know what my chances are so I’m curious how things are going for you”. In which I replied I don’t do progress reports. How lame is that shit? Thanks for the compliment but I can see why he doesn’t get many 2nd dates. I wish he’d have told me all of this BEFORE our date. I’d have steered clear.

So then we finished up dinner and I had to go to the grocery store by where his bike was parked so I hauled him over there and apparently me telling him “Just a tip but women don’t really enjoy hearing about your other dates on the date they are having with you” made him silent. At one point in the store he had to go to the bathroom and I was hoping that was code for “I can tell she doesn’t like me so I’m just going to exit stage right while she isn’t looking”. No such luck. He tried to get a kiss at the end and I put a stop to that right away. He asked me to not be a stranger. I became a stranger the second he turned away. Bleck.

5 thoughts on “Biking for sex

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