Yep. I did a 5k. There was a day last year in October/early November that I was going up the stairs in my house and I couldn’t do it because my knees hurt so bad. I remember thinking how ridiculous it was because I’m too young to be in that kind of pain. I mean shit; my kids aren’t even teenagers. That’s when I started to going to the gym to strengthen up my knee. Then I realized that it was kind of stupid to be doing that exercise and then eating it up when I came home, so I joined Weight Watchers in December. I’ve always had problems with my weight. I had weight loss surgery about 11 years ago. I got pretty small and then I got pregnant and started to gain it back. That crock of shit they feed you about that weight loss surgery is a bunch of shit.
Then I got the concussion. The knee inspired the healthy eating and attempt at the weight loss. The drunken New Year’s Even concussion inspired the therapy. The therapy inspired the shrink and the shrink inspired the diagnosis of the bi-polar, the ADD, and the anxiety. The medication then inspired me to be able to keep the healthy eating and exercise going. The healthy eating and exercise inspired the confidence to do more. The do more inspired the ability to stop needing to drink and date for fun. The not dating and drinking for fun inspired the desire to find someone decent to date. The decent to date inspired me to leave the man whore. And leaving the man whore inspired me to realize I can do some awesome things. The awesome thing realization then inspired me to do a 5k…………..and I did it.
I walked for a good portion of it and ran for maybe 1/4 of it or little more than 1/4. I ran up a hill. I ran in spurts, I ran to the couch to 5k program for week 3 day 2. And then I ran a little more, and then I ran across the finish line. 3.1 miles in 54 minutes. A friend of mine came with me thankfully as that wouldn’t have been as enjoyable all alone. And then another friend made a sign, and jumped around for us at the finish line. I’ve got some cool friends. I did it though. I cried at the end. Even when I got down to my smallest with the weight loss surgery; I wasn’t exercising. I was just watching the fat fall off cause I wasn’t eating because it was too uncomfortable to eat. However, now I’m doing it all myself. My brain is medicated to function like a normal person, my food is healthy, my muscles kick some serious ass, and I’m not dating just to entertain myself and I’m actually enjoying my sex more….don’t seem to want it as much which is a side effect of the medicine, but I still like it just as much as I did before. I just feel more confident about why I like it.
So somewhere in late October/November (I can’t fucking remember)……things changed. Changed enough that I was able to see myself doing a 5k and actually doing it. Changed enough that I saw I deserved better than the man whore and could find sex anywhere when I really need it. Changed enough to realize that I’m pretty awesome. There’s still some changes left. Like it’s really weird to walk around knowing you’re bi polar and have add and anxiety and not everyone else does. It’s kinda odd. I always think everyone thinks I’m psycho. I even contemplated putting it on here because I didn’t want anyone thinking I only have this open marriage because I’m bi polar. I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy talking about that. I really shouldn’t care what people think but I think about it a lot. Not as much now that I’m on medication, but more than most people I think. I’m really, very worried people only think I like sex and I have this open marriage because I’m not normal in the head. I’m trying to become comfortable with the fact that I know that’s not the reason and I’m ok if other people don’t know that, but I’d be lying if I said I was that confident yet.
I’ve lost 39 pounds, I’ve lost 27.5 inches, I did a 5k, and today I learned how to cook eggplant. It’s a miracle.