It occurred to me recently that love appears to have a visual to it. I caught myself participating in such viewing recently. I’m curious how many people think that just because our love looks different then someone else’s that it isn’t love? So this is where I started to wonder what the heck it looked like to me.
I watched my friend interact with her husband this week. They sat close on the couch, they held hands, they were constantly touching. They’ve been married for 11 years. And still look as lovey dovey as I imagine they did on day one. However, if some people would see a different aspect of their marriage, perhaps it wouldn’t look like love. I see some of my friends with a marriage so different, and so out there for me to comprehend that I often question if it’s really love. How would I know though? I mean really. I can’t expect to survey and judge someone else’s love when I don’t want people to do the same to me. I guess sometimes I get a holier than thou attitude because I think my marriage is so awesome. Maybe the people in marriages I think are odd think they are completely awesome. Who knows.
I wonder what my love looks like to people. I picked up on the fact that it appears to not even look like love to a lot of people. And then I find myself paranoid about it. Like I need to make sure everyone knows I do indeed love my husband, it just isn’t the same type of love they have, but it doesn’t mean it’s any more or less than anyone else’s love. I mean who is the final person that determines what love is anyway? Dumb word is supposed to cover so much emotion it’s impossible to require one word to do all of that.
I’m disappointed that I feel the need to constantly tell people “yes I love my husband we just need different things to keep us together”. I’m not the type of person that needs to defend myself. Ever. Not sure what the fuck is up with that, but being around strangers that didn’t know before hand about my marriage and then caught on to the fact I fucked a dude in the back seat while I was here (well almost fucked), resulted in me feeling like I needed to be on the defense about it. Which I’m not happy with at all.
Sounds like I still have a long way to go in therapy land.