Kiss and make up

Well the man whore and I kissed and made up. he apologized, I apologized and that’s that. I still feel like I should have never said the whole “I love you” thing as I feel like it makes me look like a weakling that I’m ok with the fact he never sees me. So I have definitely decided that I’m going to not feel guilty when someone I’m comfortable with comes along for some fun. And I told him such. If his situation changes and he can see me more, then I’ll reconsider, but until then that’s just the way it’s going to be and I’m going to try to never utter those words again. I think I had high expectations of what the end result of saying them would be and I got my hopes up. I know him better then that. I should have known better. He maybe, MAYBE lets his emotions, feelings show once a year, and I should have known that one line he let loose would be all I was going to get. I’m not sure what I expected exactly but I know it was too much.

Gah I just wish I could find someone else who’s available all the time, not a douche, not living with his mom, not married with a super annoying wife! I suppose it’s just not meant to be right now and I need to stop thinking about it. I did have a date the other night. He’s not my normal type, and was a little annoying to converse with. He has a habit of interrupting people when they talk and it was driving me nuts. He’s kind of a nerd, plays his video games all the time, and doesn’t socialize much and you can definitely tell. There was something about him though that was fun enough to keep me on the date and agree to the second one where he wants to go play laser tag. Yeah, laser tag. While not something I’d normally do, I’m impressed that’s his idea as compared to another dinner or boring night at the bar for a few drinks. He snuggled a lot during the movie too and he didn’t kiss too bad at the end of the night, so we’ll see. I’m trying to remember I don’t have to marry them so if he has an annoying habit of interrupting me too much I can just go home when it gets too much to handle lol We’ll call him Hot Nerd. He’s attractive, but not my normal attractive stuff. He’s tall, and I always like that, but he’s super skinny, and I normally don’t like that. So we’ll see. He keeps texting here or there but hasn’t set an official date for date 2, so it may not even happen. Who knows.

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