And now man whore and I are fighting. We were supposed to go to lunch today. He forgot. He always forgets. He makes fun of my awful memory, but his is just as bad. He just won’t admit it until he needs it for an excuse to get him out of a dick move. That’s what I call it when he fucks up; a dick move. In his defense he used to fuck up WAY more. I mean WAY more. There would be times we’d have plans and I’d be sitting and waiting and he’d just never show, and just never call. He’s gotten far better. In fact that’s why we split up over a year ago. We stayed apart for 6 months and he called me January 21st. (I just happen to remember the date because it was the first time I did something big for my work). Since then he’s done much, much, MUCH better.
I know my memory sucks so I make certain adjustments for it. Such as my BlackBerry, my calendar, my notes everywhere. I’m prepared for the sucky memory mishaps. I prepare very well for them. I’m reminded 3 different places for each thing I need to do. It works. He for some reason can’t figure out that he knows he’s going to forget, so be proactive and figure out a fucking system to help you remember. It’s the fucking least you can do since I’m always sitting here waiting for his fucking ass to ever be available to have sex, or go and do anything for that matter. So when he forgets about lunch it says to me that he doesn’t care enough to remember. To him it says “I do this to everyone you’re just overreacting and it’s nothing personal it’s just what I do”.
Well I took it personal and threw a big ol hissy fit, and I even cried and did the whole “now you know I love you and I put up with your dick moves and it just makes things more pathetic on my end since you know I love you and still put up with it” oh whoais me. He tried to prove his point for about an hour before giving up. I didn’t get it till I got off the phone. So I did my duty and called back and admitted I over reacted, he did his duty and apologized for missing lunch. I probably gave in way too easy, but that’s what I do because I have this slight fear that he will run as he usually shoots off with a “Why are you with me? You put up with all this shit, you follow all the rules, you never really get to see me, you don’t really allow yourself to find someone else, you never get laid. Why the fuck do you stay with me” He’s lucky he didn’t say those lines today, but I was expecting it. I might have flown off the handle and started yelling if he spouted it out today after just telling him why last week with the I love you shit. And I have a little bit of fear one day he’s going to just make it easier on me and excuse himself from the relationship because he thinks it’s better for me. Which in turn makes me feel like I’m a pathetic in love little school girl and then we go through this whole cycle. And frankly I think I over reacted this time. He does forget a lot though, so you’d think if I was all that important he’d figure out how to not forget. I should just know he’s going to forget though and not even plan on it. What the fuck ever, it’s just all stupid. I hate this shit.
Still a dick move but I def. don’t think I should have ever said the I love you words. It feels different now. We’re supposed to go to lunch tomorrow. I’ve been instructed to call and remind him in the morning. Watch; he’ll be busy and have to cancel.