I am indeed broken!

I’m approaching 30 days of no sex. Yeah that’s right. 30 days. And I keep asking myself why don’t I just go have sex with my husband and I’m feeling terrible that I’m not. I passed up a booty call text today from someone I met at a bar last night. I think it’s not just my husband that I am not eager to have sex with, I think it’s everyone! Ok well except the man whore because if he would call today I’d be all over that in a second. Ok actually if any of my already slept with people called I’d be all over them in a heart beat too. I’d rather have sex with someone I’m familiar with then someone new. I think. I’m confused.

I went out last night with the ladies. I had a fabulous time. There is this bar in our area that all the single people go to and it’s the best people watching I have ever seen. It was so nice to be out of the house with the girls having some fun. I don’t know how many random men got my phone number, but apparently things have changed since I was last out of business cards with my number on it and you have to input the number in to their phone directly. Do you know how difficult it is to type on a phone when you are drunk? Let alone get your phone number right? I don’t like that. They probably have us women do it because they know they are drunk enough to fuck it up too and have a higher chance of a woman getting it right. Anyhow I shall stop bitching about that but I wound up putting it in a lot of phones.

One dude I gave it to wound up being married. Made out with him before I knew that! She made sure to show me the wedding ring and then for some odd reason decided I should look at her tits to, and frankly they weren’t pleasant and neither was she. Dude was kinda hot. And he followed me around for a little bit. I think I’m just lucky I didn’t get my ass kicked heh Not that I’m really the type to just stand there and let my ass get beat, but you know what I mean. He keeps blowing up my phone. At least I think it’s him. I didn’t get his name and someone keeps leaving me voicemails with their name and “from the club last night” and saying my name like they’re trying to sign it. And then I’ve gotten some random “hey baby remember me from last night? I’d like to see you today” and I didn’t answer a single one. What the hell is wrong with me?

Last night I was PISSED too because I went through all of the long term men I have in my phone and tossed a “Hey I’m out tonight what are you up to?” text out there which they all know means in my lingo “I’m going to be drunk in about 20 minutes so I’ll be horny as fuck so do you want to have sex?” and I couldn’t believe the unavailability. It’s insane. I even swallowed my pride and messaged the cop (well I was drunk, I wouldn’t do it sober lol) one had work, one was having a house party that I was too drunk to drive to and actually didn’t have my car with me, one was not fond of the bar we were at, one had to be up early for mom shit, etc etc etc etc. So I kept preaching I was going to get a new booty call list, but the more I think about it the more I realize that’s what I’ve been doing for the last few months while I’ve been back with the man whore. It’s not random booty on my list, it’s people that have been around for years, months, and we’re good friends. That takes a long time to build with someone. I thought had someone like that coming to meet me at the bar that night, a new guy, but he didn’t show. So the process isn’t easy, and it’s long and I think I’m just growing tired of it.

And then people wonder why I don’t just go out and find random fucks. Man Whore. Those aren’t what we agreed upon and I’m ok with that. I think. On nights like last night when I wanted some sex and wouldn’t have minded going home with some random bar man then I’m not ok with it. But I seem to get EXTREMELY horny when I’m drunk but watch, my period is due at the end of this week, I bet they’re available then when I’m not. That’s the way this group of men works. It baffles me.

My husband is home from his 6 day business trip. The break was needed, we kind of got a nice vacation from each other and the stress of this pending move we might have. I wish he could get an answer on that as I think it’s really the underlying issue that I’m having. I think I’m off kilter due to the stress and not knowing of that. It’s like I’m living in a land of unknown and I’m very anal about how planned out I like everything to be. If we are still this way after we get a decision we’re going to have to have some major sit down and chat it out sessions cause things are still just weird between us, we’re not our normal selves. I really believe it’s that. He’s not one to like to talk about his stress outside of our marriage either, so it’ll just all sit with him until he deals with it but he’s got to do that in his own time. I don’t understand how he never complains, or has outlets to vent like I do, or whines or anything. He’s a rock star. A wonderful man indeed. In fact today is Mother’s Day and it ran through my head all day that he treats me like a treasure every day and so do my kids so it’s kind of like Mother’s Day and my birthday here every day. I’m so grateful for my family, they really are beautiful.

I hope everyone else had a fabulous Mother’s Day.

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